There are any number of reasons someone might decide not to drink alcohol. Perhaps they’re giving Dry January a go. Maybe they’re taking a new medication or attempting a restrictive diet. They might be in recovery from alcohol use disorder or they’re concerned about their relationship with the substance and trying to limit intake. It could be for religious reasons, they could be pregnant or maybe they just need a break.
Because drinking together is such a pervasive and socially acceptable American pastime, we tend to assume something’s wrong when an acquaintance or loved one abstains from alcohol. This prompts many to respond by asking prying questions or expressing shock and discomfort around someone’s decision to be sober.
While the rise of the “sober-curious” lifestyle trend has somewhat challenged the status quo, many still view alcohol consumption as black and white: either you can “handle it” and drink socially, or you need to enroll in a 12-step program and never crack a beer again. In actuality, alcohol use issues fall on a spectrum and are different for every person.
“There are stigmas on both sides: being overly indulgent or abstaining [from drinking],” said Stephanie Rozen[1], an alcohol and substance use counselor in New York. “There is a giant space in the middle of that continuum that is unexplored, uncharted territory. All of that is harm reduction.”
Understanding this continuum is the first step to taking a compassionate, thoughtful approach toward nondrinkers, versus one that’s critical, overly reactive and personally invasive. HuffPost spoke with therapists and folks who are alcohol-sober about the most insensitive or just plain annoying things people say to nondrinkers. Here’s what not to do and what a more supportive approach looks like:
1. ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’
If someone tells you