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There is a wealth of sheer depravity buried deep inside the guts of the dedicated boozehound that contributes largely to our debauched society. All one has to do is step inside the halls of Alcoholics Anonymous on any given day to hear rounds of checkered tales about how a lust for liquor has dragged these lost souls of a sudsy nation down a grave rabbit hole of raw dog promiscuity, legal complications and countless nights locked inside a foul-mouthed love affair with a toilet bowl. Indeed the grips of alcoholism is often a schizophrenic beast with puke breath just trying to make it past another vicious hangover to one more happy hour. But there is a point of no return—a rotten, stinkhole of a place, where the true bruisers of bottle gather before the bitters end. This hellish scene, we are beyond sad to report, is apparently at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the birthplace of gravy cocktails.
Warning: You’re Going to Need a Barf Bag For This One
We recently got wind that the Colonel Sanders and his flock in the Bluegrass State have deemed it necessary to get into the alcohol business. But get this. The American restaurant chain plans to rip off a piece of the booze sector with a series of alcoholic “stocktails” made out of the “thick, meaty goodness” of its infamous fast food gravy. That’s right, these godless fiends are mixing gravy and liquor. Of course, they’ve given the drinks clever names to make them socially acceptable to the downtrodden of pop culture. These fowl beverages, which have been branded The Gravy Mary, The Finger Lickin’ Sour and The Southern